weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You smell like stripper and shame
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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