finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
