smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
