It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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