Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
