She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
