i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
