god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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