I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
