Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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