I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
His nipple licking is glorious
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