Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i believe in u and ur pee
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
