with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
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