Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
