i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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