He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
