well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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