saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
