I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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