theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i came on her dog
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
