Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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