I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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