have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
they're like a gay fantastic four
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
