around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
