u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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