they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
