I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize