Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize