You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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