i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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