So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i've created a new STD.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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