Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
