i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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