dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
