I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
