make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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