We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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