Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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