White coat. Heels.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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