I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
