We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
