We won't sleep together?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
