Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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