The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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