i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
