i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
