I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
