Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
