You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
