omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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