i think my mom watched the whole time
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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