I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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