MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
