Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
