: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My pussy is not your playground.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I want to fling myself into the sun
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
