Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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