I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
