We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
