Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
