tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
