OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
