Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
