The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
