this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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