I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
