he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
