it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
