I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
